I [28M] need advice on what to do, my GF [23F] agreed to meet her ex-bf

2021.10.28 11:50 AccountNo1269 I [28M] need advice on what to do, my GF [23F] agreed to meet her ex-bf

First of all, English is my second language so I'm sorry in advance.
My GF and I have been dating for 4 years and living together for 2 of those 4 years, and up until this point, I was absolutely sure she was the girl I was going to marry and build a family with.
This all happened a couple of months ago, ill start by telling the story :
We work together and in my country, everything non-essential closed in January, so we were both home for a long time.
So I was at home playing on my computer, while she was out with one of her friends for the afternoon. When she got home I had dinner ready and we sat eating. In the middle of dinner while we were talking about something random on TV she was saying something about a character in the show and called him her ex-boyfriend name, which was weird, but I didn't think much of it at the time.
After we eat dinner and clean everything I go back to my computer and that's when she said she had to leave cause her friend (from before) was going to work (she works nights it's not unusual). Her friend was going to work and had no cigarettes with her, or any place to buy some in her town, so my GF was going to go to her and take her some cigarettes.
Now here I got suspicious, this, plus the name dropping out of the blue was very weird behavior.
The minute she left I went on her social media to see if I was just paranoid or if something was there.
Before I go on let me say I know how horrible that is, its the first time I checked her social media without her, I know all the passwords, but I've never felt the need to do something like this until this moment.
That's when my world came crumbling down. On Instagram there were some messages between them, not a lot, but a couple, they even flirted a bit, then he asks her to meet him, she said no the first time, but the second time she said yes, she made up some story about her friend and she left our home to went see him.
The worst part is a couple of messages I can't delete from my brain, the first time he said "wanna meet up?" she said something along the lines of "No, and it seems like you can guess when I have my period". Like she is flirting with him...
When I saw this I flipped, I called her friend and she said my GF was with her all afternoon, but later on, they didn't talk, and she confirmed that the story of the cigarette was bullshit.
I spend the next 20-30 minutes losing my shit, I have been cheated on and she knows it, she knows what something like this would do to me. When she arrived I told her I knew everything, and that we were over, but she cried a lot and begged me to hear her out. Her story is that this was the first time she talked with him since we started dating (multiple times I've seen messages from him but she does not answer). She also says she didn't see him, she swears on her life she went somewhere to clear her head, realized she had everything she wanted in me and just came back home.
She says she is sorry, that she didn't think things through, and that this lockdown is starting to get to her, she says she wants me and only me and is willing to do whatever it takes to get my trust back.
We had the best relationship I've ever had, and I love her very much and would love nothing else than to put all of this behind us.
I believed her story and tried to get past it, but I just can't. I haven't slept properly since all of this happened, I am always thinking about the whole situation like different things remind me of different parts of the whole thing.
I'm afraid I will never trust her again. Every time she goes out with her friends I will be thinking about this, every time she is on her phone I'm wondering who she is talking with, every time someone mentions cheating in a film, or in a conversation with my friends I start to think about this, every time she is on her period, or even someone else mentions that word, etc, etc.
The last couple of days have been particularly hard, and I've been thinking a lot about breaking up.
The thing is I don't recognize myself, I'm not jealous normally, and going through her phone thing is something that I'm so ashamed of, but if I haven't done that I probably would never know about this.
Now its been almost 7 months since all of this has happened, we are still together and trying to make it work, she has been doing all she can to regain my trust, but I'm starting to feel like it won't make a difference, because, to me, this feels like I've been cheated on, just the intent, just the fact that she spoke with him, the flirting through texts, everything about it, the more I type the story the more I feel like breaking up is the only option at this time.
Any advice is appreciated.
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5’8” 145lb female here, pretty quick metabolism.
Daily smoker of flower & carts - two bowls per evening after work, more consumed on weekends.
I was clean for 10 days before my test. The first few of those days I worked out pretty hard, sat in a sauna twice, and ate very clean which I normally don’t do. Ate some junk and drank alcohol towards the end of that period.
The day before the test, I drank a gallon and a half of water and a liter of cranberry juice.
I then took the fail safe masking kit from passyourtest.com the day of the test, and took the test towards the beginning of the 6 hour window. Waiting for results now but am kind of freaking out!! Any thoughts and opinions are appreciated!
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2021.10.28 11:50 temporarilythrow should i (21m) cancel this trip with my girlfriend (20f) or am i being unreasonable?

my girlfriend and i are long distance. about a month ago, she decided that she wanted to come visit her sister who lives a few hours away from me for halloween and invited me to join them for the weekend. i agreed.
despite all of my insistence that we get a plan in place, she did not book her flight or work out any of the details until this sunday, mere days before we were both supposed to leave. since this, she has tried to change the plan multiple times, even when i’ve told her how uncomfortable and nervous this makes me.
on top of the plan changing constantly, we’ve been fighting horribly all week. she flew out yesterday, and we fought all day around her flights. we both kept on and off saying i should probably not come on the trip. she had a horrible time at the airport and just found out someone stole money for her. this has now been blamed on me(?).
when she arrived in the city her sister lives in, the two of them got into a massive fight as well. she ended up getting out of her sister’s car in the middle of the night and standing in the street alone. she called me in the street at 1 am sobbing saying she had been kicked out and she was going to have to come stay where i live. as i said before, she was not kicked out; she got out of the car herself. after she got back into her sister’s car and got to the apartment, we got into another fight and i said i was going to sleep. she spam called and texted me all night. her sister sent me a very kind text apologizing, even though it’s literally not her fault at all.
i woke up this morning desperately not wanting to go. everything about planning this trip and the past week in general has been a nightmare, and i can’t imagine me being there in person is gonna make anything any better. but i’m literally supposed to take the train out today. she said if i don’t come we’re done, which seems fair but is obviously holding me back from cancelling. i told her that either way i will of course split all expenses with her (flight, etc) as i agreed to before.
i literally have no idea what to do and want an outside perspective on if this is really as bad and crazy as i think it is or if i’m being dramatic and just need to follow through on the trip as planned.
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View Poll
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After using them daily for two weeks now, I have to say they suck.

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GoodDay MANAGER: Im looking for Scholarship
Name:JAMSID F, Mamua Age:22 Gender:male Nationality: Filipino Language spoken:English/Tagalog Civil Status:Single
Background:
Gadget to play Axie infinity: Mobile phone Internet: Mobile data and Wifi Dedicated Playing time: 4/6hours
Games that I played before: Mobile Legends Call Of Duty Cabal
Reason why should be hired: To help my parents with the education of my siblings because they are having a hard time now during the pandemic as well as with my education
Do you have experience playing axie: Yes I already have experience playing axie, and in my last team I have 1300 mmr and I searched on youtube how to play axie.
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