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2021.12.01 11:54 Known-Space996 Did I hurt her?

I need to understand if what I did was irredeemable because it's eating me up inside and everyone around me, men and women alike, are telling me to stop overthinking. I don't know if she was gaslighting me, or if she was very genuine with how she feels and I just am an idiot.
I'll try to keep it short and to the point. I knew this girl from when I went to high-school with her. She was really cute and she found me very attractive as well. We never did anything until years after HS. I was about 21 and she was 20 when we first started texting and rekindling. Thing's progressed pretty quickly since we told each other we were attracted to each other. She would text me out of the blue telling me she wishes she could grind on me all night, and she would tell me that she craves me and wants to see me so badly. She sent me a lot of nudes that I didn't explicitly ask for, but they were welcome as I found her so attractive, I never sent any nudes back(I am NOT for slutshaming, im just saying this for context sake). We didn't hang out for at least 1 year because life was really busy for me. A year later we finally got time to hang out but it was very rushed. We hung out, and maybe 10 minutes in we started kissing. Then, maybe 30 minutes later we were touching each other's privates and getting really hot and steamy. I thought she was super into it because she was smiling and locking eyes with me, so I was fingering her and she was jacking me off. We didn't finish, we paused. The sky was beautiful outside and so we went outside and she jacked me off until I came on the floor outside at a beach we were next to at night time looking at the stars. We did NOT have sex, nor did I even attempt. I did not have a condom and it wasn't the mood since we were short on time (I had to be somewhere and so did she).
The next week she basically sends me a paragraph saying she liked hanging out with me, but that "It was so scary how fast everything was happening and she felt like she didn't have control over her body" and she said "She is tired of people using her for her body and she will never put up with that ever again". I was COMPLETELY SHOCKED. I genuinely would never intentionally hurt a girl and if she ever even look like she wanted to stop, let alone verbally say it, I would've backed off instantly. I then immediately apologized because I felt so bad thats how she felt and I was really worried, I didn't even argue. We didn't have sex, I didn't pressure her to have sex, I didn't even force touching or anything we were gravitating towards each other after texting all horny for a year with pent up tension. I think what happened is she wanted something more from me? By that, I mean she wanted me to want her in a relationship sense, when I just wanted to satisfy my sexual urges and thats what she wanted too. I guess in the back of her mind she thought if she played it cool, I would approach her in a relationship sense. Either way, I was shocked. I felt so dirty. I felt so scared and confused. I was hurt before, did I really just hurt someone and not even know? I've hooked up with at least 30/40 girls in my life never having an issue, I know boundaries and respect, but this girl caught me completely off guard. Am I in the wrong somewhere?
PS. I KNOW that her sending me nudes and thirsty text messages is NOT consent, I just listed it for context that we were both clearly into each other as far as I knew. It was mutual. I am so confused. This happened almost 2 years ago and I can't sleep till this day. I feel like for some reason one day I will be "discovered" as some disgusting asshole that hurts women. It's the complete opposite of who I want to be. I respect and value women's sexuality and right to boundaries and respect. I feel broken inside. Maybe I'm anxious because the pandemic came, and I stopped seeing people as much and cancel culture is a big thing these days and I'm scared I can't shine or do what I want in life because I am dirty.
For context: I'm a male in my 20's. I was molested multiple times when I was a child by Women. It might be why I'm so sensitive to this because I know how it feels to be hurt and abused.
tldr; I hung out with a girl I was sexting with for a year. After we hooked up, she said it was scary how fast things moved and that she felt used. It made me feel terrible and I'm still confused and hurt years later.
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2021.12.01 11:54 Andirianbobh Presidents and Taoiseachs of the Celtic Union and Ireland

  1. Celtic and Irish Presidents: Eamon De Valera (Sinn Féin): 1921 - 1928 (Irish) Arthur Griffith (Sinn Féin): 1928 - 1935 (Irish) Douglas Hyde (Sinn Féin): 1935 -1945 (Irish) Sean T. O'Kelly (Fianna Fáil): 1945 - 1959 (Celtic) Michael Collins (Sinn Féin): 1959 - 1973 (Celtic) Erskine Hamilton Childers (Fianna Fáil): 1973 - 1974 (Celtic) Jim Sillars (Lucht Oibre): 1974 - 1981 (Celtic) Sean Connery (Fianna Cheilteach) 1981 - 1991 (Celtic) Mary Robinson (Lucht Oibre): 1991 - 1997 (Irish) Mary McAleese (An Páirtí Daonlathach): 1997 - 2011 (Irish) Michael D. Higgins (Lucht Oibre): 2011 - Present (Irish)
  2. Celtic and Irish Taoiseachs: Michael Collins (Sinn Féin): 1921 - 1945 (Irish) 1946 - 1951 (Celtic) Eamon De Valera (Fianna Fáil) 1951 - 1957 (Celtic) William Norton (Lucht Oibre): 1957 - 1961(Celtic) Brendan Corish (Lucht Oibre): 1961 - 1969 (Celtic) Jack Lynch (Fianna Fáil): 1969 - 1973 (Celtic) Liam Cosgrave (Fianna Cheilteach): 1973 - 1981 (Celtic) Fred McDermid (Fianna Cheilteach): 1981 - 1982 (Celtic) Dick Spring (Lucht Oibre): 1982 - 1987 (Celtic) Charles Haughey (Fianna Fáil): 1987 - 1991 (Celtic) Dick Spring (Lucht Oibre): 1991 - 2002 (Irish) Bertie Ahern (Fianna Fáil): 2002 - 2011 (Irish) Edna Kenny (Fianna Gael): 2011 - 2020 (Irish) Catherine Martin (Comhaontas Glas) 2020 - 2021 (Irish) Alan Kelly (Lucht Oibre) 2021 - Present (Irish)
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2021.12.01 11:54 coppercrackers We drink tap water in the USA. I just went to Europe and that’s where I had to buy bottled water everywhere

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Hello,
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Thank you
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2021.12.01 11:54 CraniumCracker1 How do I politely refuse a gift and apologize?

In short, my parents wanted to give me a really expensive present for Christmas. I knew about it, so I asked them not to buy it, as they’re working hard all the time and I want them to spend this money on themselves. After I understood that they won’t give up the idea, I decided to go with a more aggressive strategy, and when my mother called me, I explained (a bit aggressively) that I don’t really want/need this gift. They haven’t called me in days now, as they are a little disappointed. How do I apologize and explain my point of view? Thank you.
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2021.12.01 11:54 TrueInnerTurmoil I'm upset with my best friend for not introducing me to her new friends, even though she knows I am struggling in the friend department, and I don't know how to deal with it.

Obligatory on mobile. I don't know if I'm here for advice, or just to get this off my chest to some internet strangers, but I do know that the way I'm feeling is starting to eat me up inside. I tried to trim this down the best I could but it's still quite long so sorry in advance.
I'm gonna start with some context: Me (21f) and my housemate/best friend (23f) moved to a new city together in May 2021. We moved from my hometown/her uni city to a much bigger city 2 hours away. Originally, she was just moving on her own but due a multitude of reason like; -my mum moving away a few months prior to be closer to her extended family. -me no longer getting on well with my friendship group from school - my best friend needing a housemate in this new city
I decided 'fuck it, I'm young and there isn't much keeping me here now' and I said I would move with her. Additionally, my brother and father both lived in the same area as this new city and I thought it would be a good opportunity to get closer to them (divorced parents).
Now to the story: So we moved. Everything was awesome for the first 2 months while we settled in to our home and jobs, and generally explored the city a bit. (She started a new job, I continued working from home with the same company as before moving)
My housemate has her close friends from uni living here, and we would go out together occasionally but differing work schedules makes it hard to see eachother. And then, she also had her new friendships being formed with people from her new job. She started going on outings with these people, and I was glad to see she had found people to connect with outside of work hours, but it made me realize that I hadn't been able to make any new connections in the city myself. Soon enough it became apparent that, other than my housemate, I didn't have any friends up here to 'hang' with. The same way she does with her new friends now, and the way I did in my hometown with my school friends. I guess I had secretly hoped that, after a few weeks of getting comfortable with her new friends, she would start to invite me out with them sometimes. (This is something I have always done growing up, socialising the different important people in my life so they can all get to know eachother.)
But as it stands so far this hasn't happened. And because I am in the house pretty much 24/7, I'm really starting to feel so starved of social interaction that it's almost all I can think about when I'm alone. Let me preface that, I have put some efforts into making my own friends by going into my work office one day a week, downloading tindehinge, even going on the Subreddit to the city I live in to try and find some social events to attend. But so far these avenues haven't been successful, and now I'm at a place where I'm starting to get really upset whenever my friend leaves to go be with her work friends. Literally the second she leaves the house to see them, or messages that she won't be coming back home from work that night - it's like a punch to the throat and I start to cry because I know that I'm just gonna be sat home alone all night with no one to talk to, and no where else to go either. All I can do is try to distract myself but when you do the same things over and over, the distraction becomes less effective.
I don't blame her entirely for this, I know this is a me problem and not a her problem. But I can't deny that I'm not slightly pissed at her anyway. This is because I have mentioned a few times in the last few months that I'm feeling isolated and missing being around people and 'hanging out'. She was understanding to this and made suggestions on stuff we could do together or ways I could make some friends (the unsuccessful ways I previously mentioned). But the situation of me potentially going out with her and her work friends was never raised from her. This has lead me to think that she doesn't want to mix me with her work friends, and she wants to keep it separate. I can appreciate this sentiment, when you live with someone and see them everyday - you are going to want some time away from them, even if you love them.
However, If the situation was reversed, and my best friend had mentioned to me that they were feeling isolated and wished they had some friends, and was struggling to make any - I would want to help by introducing them to the new friends I had made, and inviting them out with us. In my head, that seems like the most obvious option right?
This past week has been the worst for intrusive thoughts regarding this. I know in my heart my best friend likes me and isn't doing this with malicious intent, but this situation is sabotaging my thoughts and making me believe there's some specific reason she hasn't introduced me to them. This is really taking a toll on me mentally, so twice this week I've told myself 'when she gets back from work, you are going to tell her how you feel and sort this out'. But then she gets back, and my fear of the outcome makes me decide it's not the right time, don't ruin the mood- and I act like nothing is wrong.
Ultimately, I know I should just sit her down and tell her how I'm feeling honestly. But i don't want to make her feel guilty for not acting and thinking in exactly the same way I would, or feel guilt tripped/forced into inviting me out with her new friends. Cause then, who is even having fun? It's going round and round in my mind constantly about whether the way I'm feeling is justified or if I'm being childish expecting my housemate to help me make more friends in this big new city.
If you have made it this far into my emotional rambling, then I truly commend you and I thank you greatly. Any useful advice is muchly appreciated.
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2021.12.01 11:54 Efficient_Lynx1036 Ruined relationship and made things pretty complicated by being deeply depressed and suicidal

I would like to start this off by saying I am doing better these days, but basically I'd spent around 6 years (ages 12-18) of my life in a deep depression. Around the end of this bout with depression I began seeing this girl. This girl also happened to be a family friend which is where this gets complicated. Basically, once I'd finally decided I was probably not going to live past that year (or that week even) I broke things off with her over text because in my depressed, confused mind I felt that would make my suicide hurt her that much less. After I failed to kill myself, I did try to explain to her why I broke up with her via text but I haven't heard anything for the last 3 years. Now, a few years later, she ask the family if she can come over for thanksgiving until she learns that I'm there. Keep in mind nobody but her and myself really knew why we stopped talking. Now I'm afraid she will reveal to my family that not too long ago, I was a suicidal mess. The entire situation is very saddening and I feel terrible about it. Not really sure what to do.
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2021.12.01 11:54 1111anon11111111 Consistently inconsistent

I (31F) love my husband (35M). He is funny and humble and kind. He is loyal (not just in a marital sense but to himself and his career). He is smart and innovative. He has his own interest and hobbies and passions. He’s accepts me and knows me and is a great dad (we have 5 year old and 2 year old twins). He’s laid back and not an over thinker. And most of all he loves me so much.
What I’m not loving going on right now with us:
Communication - he’s a man of few words. I respect that. There are times that I need a response though. If I’m telling him about my day or just chatting- he frequently just nods. He’s also always on his phone. He gets very defensive when I politely bring it up (that I need more words or just to put the phone down). There are so many days that I believe he wouldn’t even say anything to me if didn’t initiate conversation, or if he didn’t feel obligated to ask about the kids and stuff…
Attitude - everyday after work he walks in the door without a smile on his face or even saying Hi everyone!. He walks in miserable then plops down on his phone. I’ve politely talked to him about this and ask him how I can help him be happier when walking in the door cause it’s awkward and he says he’s fine. I make sure everything is clean and dinner is ready. His attitude is just in general miserable, I’m constantly wondering if he’s mad at me (which he says of course not and stop overthinking) I bite my tongue daily now (after having tried to talk about it) when he has no patience, ever, with the kids. He has is never excited about anything I plan of do. Only things he is passionate about (which I engage in whenever he talks about or wants me to be a part of, happily.) I consider myself to be a positive optimistic person and trust that my friends and family would say the same. I don’t need him to be like me but just a better attitude.
Intimacy- I have no desire for his desire anymore. I cringe, I play the part, I get it over with. I don’t like this, I’ve talked to him about it. I’ve told him it’s the whole picture - the attitude not just the lingerie is going to help. No consistent change.
Self care- he takes time for his hobbies and interests but doesn’t brush his teeth every night. This has been driving me crazy for years. We comprised and he said he would use mouthwash, did it for a few days and now it’s collecting dust. He hasn’t showered in 3 days.
Consistency
These are things that I’ve talked with him about many times. Calmly, politely, with examples, in spoken words, written words, encourages ways to help hear me and follow through, and he repeatedly apologizes, says he will work on it, buys me flowers, does good for a week and then the cycle repeats. It’s been years of these cycles.
Ever since the twins were born I haven’t gone back to work (I was always a hard worker who enjoyed it and was able to contribute to our life). Now I am completely dependent on him and his income. Lately I have been thinking of if I could, I would probably separate.
I know these can be common problems in marriages, especially with young kids. I’ve talked about marriage counseling and he didn’t think we needed it- even after I told him I needed it and I’m not happy with the constant worry about everything and the intimacy issues.
I also know that I am not perfect. I try to check in on myself regularly and check in with him about how I’m treating I’m and making him feel. I catch myself and say omg I’m sorry I’m being too bossy (I’m always managing the household and he wants to be helpful but not without instructions so I’m trying to be less bossy about it or just do whatever I can by myself). I do regular small acts of kindness for him. I tell him how much I love him and how grateful I am regularly.
I understand that he works really hard and he probably is tired and cranky and it’s a lot to come home too and deal with.
Interested in thoughts…
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2021.12.01 11:54 AirbrushedTexan Adobe Photoshop freezes my entire computer

Hello all,
I have been an avid photoshop user for the past two years and haven't had a single issue with it. I previously had CS6 and everything had worked fine up until the beginning of this past October. In October photoshop had began to freeze my entire computer to where I can move my mouse, use the keyboard or anything, but audio (e.g. music) would continue to play. I would have to hit restart on my computer case to get my computer to function again. These crashes started to occur within seconds of opening photoshop or upwards of ten minutes, but they always happend and it is getting frustrating with the slow progress on my work.
I initially thought it was just the old photoshop, so I installed the newest version of Adobe Photoshop, but it kept happening, I even went back to CS6 then re-download the newest version, but it keeps happening. I have looked online for weeks, but have you to find a solution. I ensured my NVIDA Graphics drivers were up to date and even reinstalled them. I rest my preferences in the and disabled graphics processor setting. Does anyone have know of a solution? It is just frustrating that this hit me out of the blue while it was working fine for nearly two years on the same rig.
Computer Specs:
GPU: GTX 1070 CPU: AMD Ryzen 5 5600x RAM: 32GB OS: Windows 10
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